Over the last month I’ve been presented with many opportunities that have brought deeper awareness, cleansing and healing on a cellular level. I call this sacred medicine because whatever we are experiencing in our life can be viewed in 2 different ways; what is happening to me or what is happening for me. We can feel like the world is out to get us everywhere we turn because nothing seems to be going our way, that WTF stage. Or we can move beyond this stage, out of our fight/flight/freeze/fawn of trauma response, and into a place where we deeply trust and sink into what the Universe/Spirit/God or our Higher Self is bringing in for us.
Allow me to briefly walk you through the last few weeks…..with all the rain lately my roof began to leak due to an issue that arose last year around the same time. The handy man sent by the owner of the house did not fully repair this leak last year and thus it got substantially worse over the course of the year causing water damage across the majority of my son’s room and my office. A couple of days before he was coming to do the repairs the ceilings started to leak. The process of repairing the ceilings brought up some physical reactions within my body that I am still recovering from. My first response was “WTF?!” as I was feeling completely unsafe in my home, unsafe in my body, concerned for my son and trapped in a matrix of fear (how long will this take to heal in my body, how will I see clients, I need to find a place to see clients, I have to find another place to live, how am I going to find a place to live when everyone requires 3xs income of rent?!…the list goes on).
This is the collective fear based energy that is rampant as we are going through a massive shift. It is incredibly easy to fall into this frequency because this is what we are programmed for, all our bodies have known. Yet we are being asked to go beyond our programming and wake up to the truth of who we truly are.
I’ve learned over the years that I don’t have to dig too deep to find my shadows or spend all my time in the darkness to heal something as I used to. As long as I am aware of what I’m experiencing, this can take me wherever I need to go to do my inner work. However, it took me a couple of days to sink in to this gift to reflect to me of things I thought I had worked through last year yet didn’t go fully into the medicine to clear out and restore. We go as deep as we are able at any given time until it comes back around to go deeper…which is why we call this the hero’s journey of healing. It’s a process!! I was shown areas of my life that had been festering and needing exposed to properly clear out and restore to function as in intended.
A magical opportunity came into my awareness to sit with a couple of Maestros/Curanderos (Master Healers) from Peru in ceremony with Kambo. I’ve sat with this sacred frog medicine a couple of times already and knew what to expect going in as I knew this would assist me in a deep cleanse of my physical, mental, emotional and energetic body. In conversation with the medicine and my guides beforehand, they assured me this experience would be very different for me and to trust as they were going to work with me in clearing out ancestral mother lineage wounds and programing. Yeah, that’s a lot!
Ok deep breathes…as I went into this ceremony with trust and curiosity, I felt the Maestro gently create the gates (a small medicine vine burning on the tip and briefly touched on my arm to open a point of entry for the medicine to go into my blood stream). The medicine was applied (the peptides of the frog’s skin place on the open gates of my arm) and began to rush through my body as my heart began to race, feeling my heart beat with medicine and with my Great Mother. For a split second I thought, “too late to turn back now!” and was reminded to trust. As I sank into that deep trust of the medicine, my guides and my inner knowing I dropped into a trance for over 15 minutes. I can vaguely remember the Maestros around me singing, fanning me, checking my heart rate and supporting me in this process. As I’ve told countless clients in the past, when you go out like that, they are doing some deep work on a subconscious level.
My dear friend placed her hands on my head and feet after 15 minutes as I reluctantly began to start coming back to my body. Coming to, my guides showed me that I had a blindfold around my eyes and they were taking it off “it’s time for you to see clearly now”. I was seeing this indescribable vibration of love that looked like bright orange yellow light pulsating around me. This is reality. This is who you are, who we all are in our true essence. This is what you can trust, not the fear Dear One.
I was in and out of deep states of consciousness for the next 30 hours. I could do absolutely nothing but sit still or lie down in this meditative state as they told me they were completely rebooting my operating system. It felt like I was offline for about 3 days with extreme exhaustion, foggy mind, in and out of deep rest. On the fourth and fifth days after, I was flooded with emotions of intense anger then overwhelming grief. Allowing these emotions to flow through me as I knew I was not only clearing out my energy field but also my mother’s ancestral line of wounds…this ran deep and needed time to move through me.
I went to the water to sit with my guides, my ancestors and my medicine bag. They showed me a book of my life embodied in the personality of Shawn. The book was filled with writing in half the book and then it was blank. I asked, “why there was no more writing, where’s the rest of my story?” Their loving reply was, “because it is time to write your own story from this point on. What story do you want to tell? The past was written in blood from your ancestors, but the future will be written with tears of joy.”
Over the past few weeks, I have been truly cared for by many friends who have taken me into their homes, their arms, allowed me to sit in their chambers and held me in such a beautiful place of love. I’ve leaned into opening myself to receive from others in such a profound way. As the days have passed and I’ve come back online, I am seeing how the old patterns I had before are no longer accessible. It feels like my neural pathways have been completely rewired, my energetic field cleansed from attachments, my physical body is still resetting and I feel around so much lighter, clear and my heart more open. Could I have done this another way that wasn’t so intense? Absolutely! However, I felt the call of this particular medicine and together with the medicine and my guides we chose to work through this specific process for my highest good at this moment.
I share all of this with you dear friends to welcome you into the invitation that is showing up for you at this moment. Whatever is showing up for you is your sacred medicine that is not meant to be experienced as a an act of popping a pill to quickly feel better within 20 minutes so you can continue pushing on. This is something precious that you sit with and hold as you would an infant to stare deeply into its eyes and connect. When we can hold ourselves and allow others to hold us in this place of compassion and tender care our nervous system relaxes along all the other parts of ourself. We know we are held, we are safe and can explore into this initiation of doing our inner work to transform not just our lives, but our families and the greater collective. We are all in this together as we collectively step out of the fear matrix and into the space of love.